April 19, 2013


Been sitting in front of the laptop for minutes now. Long stretches and several of them since I woke up late afternoon. Z has been a great distraction; her smiles provide comfort and assurance that everything is going to be alright.

Unbelievable. Unimaginable is what happened last night. I believe it was terror I saw. A very small thing that I got irked about got blown out of proportions because of overreaction.

It's a sad thing when a relationship turns sour and goes downhill with violence. Verbal and emotional abuse. Name calling. Slight arm-tugging. Shoulder pushing. Not even tears or being soft or declaration of love could have turned it around.

All I ever wanted was love. The open-communication kind of love that we had before. The short but sweet notes during the day thru texts. The urgency when the other couldn't respond soon. The feeling of being wanted. And loved.

Maybe I'm too demanding. Or maybe I haven't learned acceptance. That a relationship will change and it's not always going to improve. Lovers will always drift apart. Time does that. Or maybe the love in the first place wasn't as good as the lovers thought it was.

Sad. Depressing.

But it's always a good time to move on the all the pain and the hurt. Love will always come around and find its way. I'm a hopeless romantic, I know, but there's always hope for love. And I love him. I love my kids. I love myself. I just need to show it more.

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