October 21, 2011

Life in the island

It's been exactly a week since I got back here and I noticed it's not the same as I left it. There was almost no one on the street on Friday last week when I arrived at 3pm-ish in my area. I almost felt the need to shout "Hello?" but then when I turned I saw a friend. When I got to my rental house, grass was everywhere. The kind that grows on sandy soil. My porch looked harassed. Everything was messy. Tangled. Uncared for. Unloved.

Too dramatic there, I must say. But still the same, I felt those emotions. One doesn't have a choice in matters like this. You can't expect things to be the same after you have left. Even when you were only gone for 2 months.

Well. Getting back to the grind was harder. I had fever and was shuffling back and forth to being okay and not being okay. Sleep was horrible. Couldn't sleep properly and when I did, I would be out for at least 12 hours. Talk about being indisposed. 

The good thing is, I have myself. In my mind, I have friends and family who love me and who wish me a good life and that's enough for me. They may not be here physically but they are so much alive everywhere else and keeping in touch with them is always a gift. 
So I live alone. I have this house all to myself. I can pretty much do anything. I play cards by myself, play PC games, take photos of myself, most importantly, work by myself. I like the fact that I have the quiet, undisturbed quality of life that I have here in the island. Being the introverted person that I am I always appreciated being left to my own devices. Freedom is an amazing tonic. Someday, Tyler will be with me in this life and we will be free together. 

I don't know why or how but it just got to me that art pretty much is something that is imperfect, askew and unpretty. Almost kind of abstract, but not really. It doesn't make sense, but when you follow the details, little by little, you begin to make out the connections and see the transition from here to there. It's interestingly amazing. :-)

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