June 30, 2012


Woke up pretty late today and felt great so I decided to be with Tyler kid and make up for lost time. Then his father decides that I can't take him because he has cough and colds so he needs to stay home to heal faster. I told him I will pick him up and we will buy meds and food and stay in my place. He insisted no. I got angry but maintain my composure; showing someone who has no voice nor backbone your weakness in the situation does not help. But tears fell from my eyes. I mean, how could it be so bad for a mother to take care of her son? And how does that aggravate my son's illness?

I guess shared parenting is not exactly that. One parent cannot expect equal leniency and favor from the other, especially if the other still lives with parents. Come to think of it, if we were both to focus on the child's wellbeing, is it not a well thought idea for a mother to care for her kid at this time? Isn't it the best for both parties? Isn't it the best for the child?

My BP rose to unusual numbers. At least for me. Black and white vision is not good especially if you're commuting and pregnant. I thought of getting myself to the ER but decided against it when I was nearing the hospital. I went to my bestfriend's house instead. I surely don't want another hospital gig this month. Maybe in the next 3 months would be okay. But damn, I know self control is the only way to survive in this world full of idiots but I imploded. I got hit. I admit I have rage, but I have not let that out for quite some time now. The last time I remember was when I fist slapped someone's chest several times out of anger in Makati Avenue when I was pregnant with Tyler. It did me a world of good, letting that out . And I have not seen that self again. Yet.
For someone who I thought was a good, gentle guy, I may have remembered him in the past life. I think he's the best dad anyone could have, but not the best co-parent anybody could have. I just wish the person would take initiative to make decisions, not because of external forces. But because for the good of all, especially for the child. Focusing on the present and not about the past or the future. 

I hope for the best nothing like this will ever happen again. I don't want having to fight for my right to my own kid. Because it's a right, not a privilege. Kids are not luxuries or possessions that you can hide from people, and even that you have to share. 

No comments: