January 5, 2012

My second day

My forehead hurts. From too much random thinking with intense focus on each subject that pass by my thoughts counter. Or maybe this is from my lack of sleep. Yes! That! And I haven't been eating well. Well, this makes up for the carbo loading spree I was on in January 1 until January 3. I've been feeling uninspired lately but amazingly brimming with ideas. Ironic? I would imagine so from whoever-reads-this-shit point. Lately, I have been indulging my brain with nutritious  food such as blogs, articles, images, stories, situations that are lovely, comedic, sarcastic, blunt, technical philosophies, and everything that my specimen of a mind just comes upon. I've come to see that the only new that we really need is the newfound appreciation for the simple, everyday things that pass by us. To really live in the present, one must find time to enjoy every thing that pass by us, give it its due attention and find out why it came your way.
This gives us the chance to see the reasons behind everything. Good or the unthinkable. There are times the unthinkable happens but it always comes with a reason that's good, so it's still a win-win situation. We never, ever lose in life, unless we give up at the point where life throws us in the fire and floods our front lawn and snow freezes us over. But the thing is, neither fire, water nor the biggest avalanche decides to overpower its victims. We, human beings, ever so gifted with the ability to feel, think, enjoy and control ourselves in situations that we otherwise don't have control of. By gaining knowledge about ourselves, we see so much strength to withstand almost anything. And if we don't lose ourselves in any of these challenges that we come across, we'll be fine. We should just remember that we are not water, metal or plastic. This means we do not have a boiling point or breaking point. We are made with 75% water and 25% mix of fleshy organs, blood, mucus and shit. Temperature capacities of our organs, blood and mucus is easy. I'm pretty sure someone does have the info about this as it is highly likely that someone, at some point, have suddenly entertained the urge to find out at what temperature might these variables boil or breakdown. However, the shit part of our composition as a human being, I dare anyone to come up with the data. Until then, I officially state that it's the shit that makes us tough and allows us to go through almost anything. Though with some people, they have more shit than all of those other components combined, and that, my dear reader, if you are there, is another story. 

So how do we learn about ourselves? How else, but through test driving. 
I know someone who will love taking this out for a test drive! Yo Tyler! 

New cars go through a break-in stage and they are driven at lowest and highest of speeds. A new horse must be broken in by its new owner. It must suppress its wild nature and get in touch with its domestic side, or rather, forced to be domestic and submit to their masters and accept that it's going to be that for them for the rest of their lives. Or until they find their way back to the wild, which is actually a chance that has zero probability but nothing so special that it cannot be accommodated by miracles.. These broken in horses must accept their masters as partners. The main thing is, for something to be accustomed to its handler, it must go through different lows and highs to find that spot where both are comfortable operating in. In humans+life  application, every moment gives us the opportunity to live and be one with the present, with the flow, with the environment. To experience life and the world we are living in as how we perceive them to be. To totally immerse in the situation that's happening right before our very own eyes. To let go of what we know to make room for the new that's current. As we know, our brains are preset to store only as much that mattered to us. Now isn't it our ultimate goal to make everything matter? 

Someone called me a member of the Throw Away society back in 2004, and up to now I still can't quite forget that. I was bruised by that remark and I remember mumbling under my breath while taking out leftover food from the ref and into the trash bin. In retrospect, the way I reacted was funny, as it was in the same way when most people see Christmas being written as Xmas. That apart from the obvious intent to shorten the word and minimizing time writing the whole word (though I have not spared any efforts to research how much time a person could actually save if one writes Xmas instead of Christmas), whoever came up with this shortcut borrowed X from the Greek alphabet which stands for Chi. And being humans equipped with mind that treads on with its own consciousness adapts Chi as a stand in for Chris in Christmas. I can call this behavior as Obnoxiously Ignorant.   We see this kind of behavior a lot of times and in many places. To the uninformed (moi not exempted), anything big or new, at least to us, is overwhelming, or provoking, even. And we react only in a way we know of, attacking the information and minimizing it to what and how we know it of. And that's how I responded at that time in 2004 even though my actions clearly exacted the observer's opinion. That night after dinner when I suddenly felt the need to clean around and what cleaning means to me is mostly throwing things out. If I had known myself to be this in that moment I would not have reacted differently still. But my thoughts would be this: Member? I'm the incumbent President of this fucking group, you insubordinate asshole! LOL

I learned to throw out things that could not be of need in the immediate future in an Archie comics digest. Back when I was 12, I remember the scene too vividly: me sitting on the floor infront of my closet so much bigger than me, with all of my belongings being puked out unintentionally. By the non-living, inanimate wooden closet of mine. Clearly, the stuff I had in there was largely disproportional to the already big closet space. I had stuff in there from kindergarten; panties to quiz papers to random stuff like leaves. I kept them because they reminded me of beautiful memories. When I was in first grade, there were even more beautiful memories that also came with their memorabilias. In Grade 2... I could go on and on. And you can probably picture out how my closet must have looked like back then. This memory/memorabilia-collecting/possession hoarding I got from my dear beloved Grandma who I was so fond of, and a fan of, of everything she touches, cooks, sews and creates with her loving hand. And this was why it was easy for me to relate to Betty as she kept a lot of her stuff dating back to her kid years and calls them memorabilia and these stuff remind her of the good times of the past. One day, Veronica steps in her room and sees the memorabilia as junk, she helps Betty decide what to keep and what to discard and finally feel liberated from all the nostalgia which, as she says, also brings a person down and heavy unintentionally.  As this helps in getting rid of emotional baggage, the ever famous possession that has no price, yet costs us millions of chances to immerse ourselves in the present and instead retreat to the corner thinking of what-ifs and painstakingly revise memories of the past with the what-ifs to suit our liking for the present, and the universe forbid, the future, if it ever so happens again. It is during these times that I learned a lot about self-knowledge and knowing what I am doing, what I have done and what I can do which will lead me to the way to become what and how I want to be for me and the people I love. 

I don't know. I'm just so uninspired lately. The content is there, the style is there, but the spirit hasn't arrived yet. I just hope it doesn't wait for November 1, or else. I'm going to cry. LOL

Somebody motivate me, please? Anybody? 


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