ATTORNEY: On July 25
you went by the duck enclosure on your farm.
WITNESS: Yes
ATTORNEY: So you passed within a few yards of the enclosure
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: Did you notice anything special?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: Could you tell us what you saw?
WITNESS: I saw George.
ATTORNEY: You saw George, the accused in this case?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: Can you tell us what George was doing?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: So, please tell us.
WITNESS: He had his thing in one of the ducks.
ATTORNEY: His ‘thing’?
WITNESS: You know… his dic… I mean his penis.
ATTORNEY: You passed near to the duck enclosure, the light was good, you were
sober, you have good eyesight, and you clearly saw what you just described?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: Did you say something to him?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: What did you say to him?
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+2?"
The housewife replies: "Four!"
The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my
spreadsheet one more time."
The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice "How much
do you want it to be?"
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