Bar room

A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his trousers. The Bartender says,

"Why do have a steering wheel in your pants?" The man replies "I don't know, but it’s

driving me nuts."

A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a Bud. He says "Give me a beer before

problems start!" The bartender doesn't understand but gives the man a beer. 

After 15 minutes the man orders a beer again saying "Give me a beer before problems

start!" The bartender looks a little bit confused but pours the man a beer. 

This goes on the whole night and after the 15th beer the bartender is totally confused

and asks the man "What do you mean with before problems start? And when are you

going to pay for all the beers you drunk." 

The man answers "You see, now the problems start!" 

I walked into a toilet where I found two cubicles, of which one was already

occupied. So I entered the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat

down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you going?"

I thought it a bit strange, but not wanting to be rude I replied "Yeah, not too bad

thanks."

After a short pause, I heard the voice again "So, what are you up to?"

Unsure what to say, I replied "Umm, just having a quick poo. How about you?"

I then heard the voice for the third time ....."Sorry buddy, I'll have to call you back.

I've got some dickhead in the loo next to me answering everything I say."

A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter and asks the barman "Have you seen

my brother?" The barman asks "What does he look like?"

There was a bar with a sign that read "Pianist Wanted." A guy walks in there and says

"I'm here for the pianist job." The owner says "Well, play us a tune and if you're good

enough then you've got the job." He sits down and plays a song that nearly puts the

owner in tears. 

"What a great song! What's it called?" the manager asks. 

"It's called, the dog with 2 dicks and my wife's doin’ my brother!"

"Um, that's strange, but play us one more tune." 

The man plays another tune and this time the manager breaks down with tears.

"What do you call that song?" he sheepishly asks. "The frog takin’ a shit and the camel

with 3 humps!" he replies. 

The manager told him that he had the job on one condition: he must not tell the

customers the names of the songs he is playing. He started playing that night. After

every song he would get a standing ovation.  

After about 2 hours he stood up and said "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to take a

quick break and I will return in a few moments." So he ducked into the toilets to take

a slash. 

On his way out a man passing said "Hey, do you know your zips undone and your

cock’s hangin’ out!." 

"Know it, I wrote it!"